Rotten People

         The first time Sir Terribly Nasty laid eyes on Lady Just As Bad, he was very impressed. They were both at a big party in the home of the Lord Mayor of London and Lady Just As Bad was busy filling the mayor's hat with tomato soup. When the mayor stood up to make a speech and put on his hat, the soup whooshed out and drenched him from head to foot.

         "Cor!" said Sir Terribly Nasty admiringly. "What a rotter!"

         He rushed across the dining room, plunged to one knee in front of Lady Just As Bad and grasped her hand in his. "You're an absolute stinker!" he cried. "And I love you!"

         "Who are you?" she demanded, slipping a hard-boiled egg into his top pocket and squashing it flat.

         "Sir Terribly Nasty," he replied, placing a plastic spider in her lap. "At your service."

         She saw the spider and let out an ear-splitting scream. "You horrible man!" she cried. "How could you?"

         "Because I adore you," he said, filling her shoes with custard. "Will you marry me?"

         She emptied a bowl of trifle onto his head. "Of course I will. Instantly!"

         "My darling!" he sighed.

         "My angel!" she beamed.

         Side by side they dashed from the dining room, switched off all the lights and tipped a box of mice on to the carpet. Then they ran downstairs and set off to get married.